Singles' Awareness

Valentine's Day has been creeping up on me like a deadline. Of course, I've always known it as Singles' Awareness Day, the acronym of which paints a very grim picture and serves as fodder for a lesser known holiday: Desperation Day. I didn't know about this particular holiday until I heard it mentioned on an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Basically it's a theory that every February thirteenth, women become exceptionally desperate to find a date for Valentine's Day. It makes perfect sense to me. After all, it was on February thirteenth one year that I gave up my first kiss to an absolute blockhead who told me the very next day (why yes, Valentine's Day) that he didn't want a relationship. But believe me when I say it was the best Valentine present I could've ever received. You see, I learned a very important lesson that day, one that I cling to even now: you should never settle for less when it comes to relationships.

Here are a few reasons that I can think of as to why people settle for less:

They think they're not good enough to deserve a decent guy/girl.

They're not used to being single.

They're rebounding.

They've been single for a long time...a very long time.

Their hormones are screaming.

They really just don't care who they date.

They're jealous of their friends who are dating.

The guy/girl of interest is popular.

They don't remember or know what it feels like to have a serious crush on someone.

I will tell you right now that five of those nine items applied to me a couple years ago, and three of those five still apply to me. My point is that I believe that most of us singles fall under a couple of these categories and therefore regularly face the temptation of a quick-fix relationship, and I use the word "fix" in reference to a drug fix. That's because a relationship with someone you don't really like can give you some of the hormones that make you happy, but in time, they will have damaging effects, just like a drug. I don't even feel the need to explain some of these effects after I list them off, because some of y'all already know: hurt, guilt, shame, disgust. And the list goes on.

The tough part is to avoid the temptation every time it's thrown at you. After all, there are a few steps you need to take to strengthen yourself first before you'll be able to have that kind of resolve.

1.) Know that you deserve love. In other words, don't devalue yourself. You are a unique individual with your own quirks, and someone in this world of over 6.8 billion people is bound to embrace your strengths and accept your weaknesses. Also no one is too ugly to be loved. Ever see The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2? Even Quasimodo, whose name means "almost-monster", found love. Too fairytalish? Go to a puppy store, and play with a Chinese Crescent. It's a seriously ugly dog, but it loves unconditionally. Before you know it, you'll be head over heels for it, and you'll realize that all you have to do is love unconditionally to be loved in return.

2.) Mentally establish your boundaries. What things will you not tolerate? Automatically you should think of physical abuse (slapping, beating, etc.), but also there are smaller things such as, "Am I okay with my boyfriend/girlfriend being alone with someone of the opposite gender?" or "How far can our physical contact go?" To make it simple, break your questions down into yes/no questions, that way you'll know that if you can't really decide how you feel, your answer is probably that you're not comfortable with it.

3.) Set your standards high. Don't be unrealistic, but don't decide last minute that you'll just be okay with certain traits that will drive you crazy over time. For example, will it bug you that this person smacks when he/she eats? Will this person not appreciate your favorite hobby? Also at minimum you should expect to be respected. Remember those boundaries you established? If the person you're considering dating would dare to push those boundaries, you need to exclude them from your list of...candidates. When people push against your boundaries, sometimes you get weak, because you want to please this person (a natural quality of any relationship). This is dangerous, because suddenly you will be tempted to compromise your morals. I like the example of two oxen pulling a cart. You represent an ox pulling toward your morals, and the pushy person you're dating represents the other ox pulling the opposite way. Over time, the pusher ox gets stronger and you get weaker, and the stronger one determines the direction you both go.

4.) Get a hobby. Stay busy. I would tell you not to be jealous of people in relationships (if that's your particular dilemma), but that's much easier said than done. Also I find that when you focus on not being jealous, it only makes you more jealous. So stay busy. Get a job that keeps you moving. Work out a couple times a week. Join a club. And when you somehow have free time, do your homework, study, text/call your friends, etc. The reason I emphasize this is because of my own personal experience in high school. Whenever I had that time to just sit and think, my hormones quickly did the thinking for me, and all they said was "boyfriend". And when my mind was circling around that all the time, I found myself considering lowering my standards to improve my chances of finding someone to date which, as I said before, is dangerous. And now that I'm in college with so many places to be and things to do, being single is a lot easier, because I don't have time to think about it. Now remember that this is just my suggestion based on my own life, so if you disagree, cool. Go ahead and meditate if that's what works for you.

5.) Lock yourself in your room alone on Desperation Day (JK LOL and stuff), and celebrate Valentine's Day anyway. Spend time with your friends, and enjoy that kind of love for a day. Buy the giant, poofy, heart-shaped box of chocolates, and share them. Pick up some of those cheesy, elementary-school Valentine sets, and hand them out. Or for the more masculine bunch out there, go paintballing or hunting or whatever it is guys like to do. That way when your dating friends ask you what you did for Valentine's Day, you have something to say besides, "I pitied myself the whole day. Woe is me."

Well, that's all I've got for you! You single people are real troopers; just remember to keep your heads up and screwed on properly. I just ask that you let me know (single or taken) what you think about this blog by checking a reaction box below.

Have a wonderful Valentine's Day!

To see the video of me giving this blog as a speech, go here.