Number One: Be really good at or knowledgeable about something.
Believe it or not, women are not just baby-makers. We actually have this thing in our heads called a brain, and we even have the ability to think our own thoughts with it. Despite the fact that females have had the right to vote, attend school, and wear pants for a while now, I see an awful lot of them using little more than the most basic motor functions of their brains. You know what kind of girls I’m talking about: the kind who are ditzy, slutty, and useless for anything more than sex (and emptying a willing victim’s wallet). Girls like these are the reason male chauvinism and sexual oppression still exist in our society today, because they have taught men that women do not deserve respect. If you want respect, you have to earn it. You can’t just be out drinking and making out with random people in your Daisy Duke’s and bra-top and expect a guy to treat you like a lady. You have to value yourself enough to make yourself valuable. A way to do that is to be good at or knowledgeable about something. This is not the end-all, be-all, but it’s a significant first step. Find a sport, a game, or some other niche where you have the smallest amount of potential, and devote time to it: practicing, scrimmaging, studying, honing. Practice may not make perfect, but dedication yields results, small successes that you’ll be proud of. Then you won’t just be
a woman anymore; you’ll be
the woman who placed third in the 5K, the woman who knows the most interesting things about genetics, or even the woman who bakes the best homemade cherry pie. It won’t matter what you do, but you should be good at something; it’ll give you something interesting to say about yourself in a conversation.
Number Two: Be honest.
A lot of girls like to sugarcoat things or flat-out lie altogether to make it seem like their life is relatively controlled and going according to plan. Granted, you are allowed to keep some secrets, but sometimes I’d like to know I’m not the only one struggling. I actually find it comforting to hear girls say that they don’t know what they’re doing with their lives or that they don’t have any idea how they’re going to get all of that studying done before their tests. I’m already in a panic when I don’t have it all under control, and when I hear girls that sound like they’re always on top of things, it makes me panic even more. I end up wondering what’s so wrong with me that I can’t be cool and confident just like everybody else, and it makes me not want to voice my problems which may quell the fears of another girl who feels the same way. Sharing really is caring, so please share some honesty with the rest of us; we may be able to comfort each other that way.
Number Three: Vocalize.
I hate that girls are known for the line, “Nothing, I’m fine.” We all know that “fine” does not mean “fine”. In fact, my mom’s best friend, Nancy, taught me what F-I-N-E really means: eFfed-up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional. What I don’t understand is why we would think that silence could ever solve a problem. Isn’t it a well-known fact that the first step to working through a problem is acknowledging its existence? If someone is willing to hear your answer when they ask what’s wrong, even if they’re the person you’re mad at, you may as well approach the floor that has been yielded to you.
Number Four (only applies to college-age plus): Do something that makes them feel sexy.
Women put a lot of pressure on themselves to be perfect, and we’re very sensitive to the tiniest of quips and criticisms. A lot of us, even the models we tend to hate for the standards they inadvertently set for us, struggle to have a good self-esteem. This is why it is so important (for the older, non-kid ones of us) to do something a little risqué once in a while to remind ourselves of our inner goddess. What makes a woman sexy is her personality, not necessarily her looks (though a little makeup can certainly help). When you’re beating yourself up instead of accepting compliments, for example, you don’t come across as very sexy, even if you’re drop-dead gorgeous. Humility is certainly an attractive quality (which I’ll touch on a little later), but you can have confidence as your sex-appeal without having to discard that. In fact, confidence without humility is arrogance, which is very unattractive. But how do you obtain confidence if it’s not something you have naturally? This is when you need to actually do something about it. Things that can make you feel sexy range from wearing a more daring outfit than normal to taking a dance class, and yes, I am talking about classes such as belly dancing or even pole dancing. A lot of Christian girls would admonish me for making such a statement, but here’s the kicker: only do these things for you (and if you're of proper age...if you're in high school, you're still too young to try to be sexy). Don’t take a class or dress yourself with the intention of making other people notice you. Make it a private thing, if possible, and if someone asks you a question about what it is you’ve been up to every week, you can choose whether or not to answer depending on how appropriate you think it would be for people to know. Doing something sexy is all for you, to boost your confidence from the simple fact that you know your inner goddess and what she’s capable of. And for those of you who are deathly afraid of jumping into something like what I’ve suggested, here’s a way you can “test the waters”: wear confidence panties. I’m dead serious; go to Victoria’s Secret, buy the panties with frills and lace, and wear them in such a way that they’re concealed from the world, your little frilly, lacey secret. How does this work? Because you know something they don’t know…like the color and constitution of your underwear.
Number Five: Stop fishing for compliments.
I mentioned before that arrogance is unattractive; so is false modesty. I hate hate HATE it when girls say something negative about themselves for the purpose of prompting someone else to remedy the false statement and make the girl feel better about herself. This, in case you didn’t pick up on it, is called, “fishing for compliments”. It is stupid and petty, and if this is what you think you need to do to feel better about yourself, you obviously did not pay attention to #4. Examples of fishing for compliments include comments such as: “I’m fat,” “My makeup looks terrible,” and “Ugh, I’m so stupid!” But just imagine if you said one of these things about yourself…and no one said anything back to you. Boy, wouldn’t that be awkward! Or what’s even worse is if, for example, you made a B on a test, called yourself stupid, and your friend that you’re talking to made a D. Or an F. Or a Z. Then you’re just being rude and insulting. You know what would make you stupid, though? Fishing for compliments. Stop it.
Number Six: Stop giving in to their friends who are fishing for compliments.
Going along with #5, I encourage you to be that person that makes the compliment-fishing situation awkward. When your friends insult themselves, just let it be…so that they can insult themselves. Even if the statement about them is true, you shouldn’t feel obligated to lie to them to make them feel better about themselves. If they’re throwing a pity-party, show them you’re not going to attend. For example, if you have a friend who is overweight and she complains she’s fat, just give her silence as her pity-party present. After all, if you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothin’ at all, right?
Number Seven: Eat something.
Even if you’re overweight, starving yourself in public is ridiculous. Unless you’re just skin and bones, people are going to know you eat something, so there’s no reason to be self-conscious that someone might think you can’t run solely on solar energy. Granted, there is a certain decorum you should have when eating in front of other people (scarfing down a bucket of messy handheld foods should probably be saved for private times at the home), but don’t get only a salad unless the place you are at is world-famous for their selection of leafy greens, fresh veggies, and homemade dressings…and their salads actually look more substantial than rabbit food. Now here’s where I get personal; I’ve always been self-conscious about eating in front of other people, for so long that I’ve gotten to the point where I actually feel like I’m choking if I try to eat at my normal pace (except in the case of dessert; nothing can stop me then). I usually end up taking my leftovers home and downing the whole box in a handful of minutes. Don’t be like me, the presumably solar-powered, food-allergic being. Learn to eat out before your esophagus can develop a nervous mind of its own.
Number Eight: Save the drama for mama.
If we’re friends, I can understand why you would want to talk to me about your problems. However, when you repeat the same story over and over again for weeks or months on end every time we see each other, it’s going to get hard to listen to you with a straight face (and without punching yours). If you have an issue that, for the moment, seems to be permanently pressing, you need to take your venting sequels elsewhere, preferably to someone older and wiser who has already endured your current phase in life (and probably someone who has a uterus; that organ of ours is notorious for dictating our thought process), such as your mother, mentor, or counselor. I believe that friends are supposed to be there for each other through good and bad times, but if we offer our advice and you’re just going in circles, true wisdom may not be something you can obtain from your peers. Besides that, nobody wants a friend who always drags them down. Sometimes you just need to vent to heal, but please have mercy on your friends by going to someone who’s already signed themselves up for dealing with other people’s problems.
Number Nine: Keep themselves clean.
Girls can be really gross. Girls can be really clean, too, but here are some things I would have liked to have said to some girls I smelled. First of all, you need to wear deodorant every day. Cover the whole armpit, and when you’re done with that, put deodorant in any other place where skin folds over skin. I’m talking butt cheeks, inner thighs, muffin tops, and fat rolls. When skin is on skin, it is going to sweat a lot, and when you sweat, bacteria feast on that sweat and release smelly waste that you know as BO. I cannot count the number of times I’ve gone to give a girl a hug and gagged when the skin moved off of skin and released a nasty wave of unpleasantness. Seriously, it’s not that difficult or expensive. Wear deodorant. Next up, clean your mouth. Brushing your teeth is not limited to the hard, white/yellow/silver things in there; you can scrub toothpaste all over your tongue (don’t gag yourself), the roof of your mouth, the insides of your cheeks, and right behind your lips. Those are warm, moist regions where food and bacteria have made contact, so they need to be cleaned on a daily, if not bi-daily, basis. Throughout the day, you need to keep sugar-free gum, sugar-free mints, or mouthwash on your person and use them after consuming anything besides water. I’ve had friends who I couldn’t even look at when they talked, because their breath smelled so bad. It’s repulsive when you have your own swampy smog creeping through your words, so for every listener’s sake, clean your mouth. As for other hygiene, you need to be washing all of the following things: your body (especially after spending time outside or working out), your hair (when the roots start to get oily), your hands (after touching something you wouldn’t want to eat, eating something messy, or licking your fingers), your lady parts (every time you get in the shower, and use baby wipes intermittently throughout the day, especially while on your period!), your face (daily, and I shouldn’t be able to see a reflection of myself in your shiny forehead), and your feet (after they’ve been stuffed in tennis shoes all day). Also, pop your pimples (zits can stare, and it’s gross), wipe away eye crusties and hanging boogers, change your underwear, clothes, and tampons/pads/liners regularly, and clean out your ears. You are a living being whose biochemical processes never cease, therefore you are constantly accumulating toxic waste all over and throughout you which needs to be dealt with. In other words, CLEAN YOURSELF IF YOU WANT TO HAVE FRIENDS (who aren’t hobos).
I think it’s safe to say I’ve made my frustrations with girls clear, however, I feel obligated to admit that I have violated these guidelines myself, multiple times. Sometimes we’re going to feel really crappy about ourselves and fish for a compliment or two, or we’re going to forget to brush our teeth on a hectic morning. Or some of y’all out there won’t care what I think, and you’ll keep doing your own thing. I’m merely venting and hoping that somehow one blog post will make girls think about making life choices that are better, in my opinion. If you don’t like my advice, it’s fine…and we all know what that means.
