Many times I wondered why God let me have it so rough. Was it necessary for a boy to ask me out as a joke while I heard his friends laughing at me? Was it necessary for an older girl on my street to make fun of me and take advantage of my physical weakness? Was it necessary for a group of peers that I idolized to send me an email saying they were letting me go like I was an object? And what of all the unreturned phone calls and guys leading me on? Why did I have to turn into that girl who tends to isolate herself to avoid rejection? I’ve pondered these questions in frustration for years, ever since a girl in my kindergarten class tried to break up my boyfriend and me. I know how despair and loneliness are for companions. The Breakaway podcast I listened to today applied to this situation well; essentially I was in the wilderness, and God had led me there. Do I think that God wanted me to feel pain? No, but after experiencing the kindness of a few certain people these past couple of days, I understand why the heartbreak of the wilderness was good for me. As Ben Stuart said, God will lead us into the wilderness, because “…it’s in the heat of the desert that God forges character.” And that’s exactly what it did for me. It humbled me so much that I can now experience gratitude and relief for the smallest act of kindness, even if all one does is acknowledge my presence. Any microscopic sweetness can make me feel less invisible, less alone, and maybe, after time, make me feel accepted, loved, and treasured.
May you never take kindness for granted; it truly is a precious thing.
[link to the podcast here]