A Little Blurb on Kindness

I just had a few encounters with people this week that made me realize just how much I appreciate kindness. Whether I’m being invited over to someone’s house or included in a group activity, I find that even the simplest acts of kindness give me an odd sense of relief. Gratitude is a large part of that feeling, but it’s true that I am relieved, relieved that whoever is being kind to me cares about me and isn’t trying to bring me harm. That may sound ridiculous, but the truth of the matter is that I grew up with a lot of people who weren’t kind to me and sometimes went out of their way just to be mean to me. I wasn’t usually the popular girl in school; I was dorky, awkward, and not always interested in the same things as everyone else. I tended to alienate myself without even trying. Most kids didn’t appreciate my differences, so they would exclude me from their social groups, sometimes very blatantly. I had a few friends throughout my life, and good ones, too, but I developed negative expectations of people that I didn’t know very well. After all, it only takes a little rejection to deeply hurt someone and a lot more acceptance to make up for it.

Many times I wondered why God let me have it so rough. Was it necessary for a boy to ask me out as a joke while I heard his friends laughing at me? Was it necessary for an older girl on my street to make fun of me and take advantage of my physical weakness? Was it necessary for a group of peers that I idolized to send me an email saying they were letting me go like I was an object? And what of all the unreturned phone calls and guys leading me on? Why did I have to turn into that girl who tends to isolate herself to avoid rejection? I’ve pondered these questions in frustration for years, ever since a girl in my kindergarten class tried to break up my boyfriend and me. I know how despair and loneliness are for companions. The Breakaway podcast I listened to today applied to this situation well; essentially I was in the wilderness, and God had led me there. Do I think that God wanted me to feel pain? No, but after experiencing the kindness of a few certain people these past couple of days, I understand why the heartbreak of the wilderness was good for me. As Ben Stuart said, God will lead us into the wilderness, because “…it’s in the heat of the desert that God forges character.” And that’s exactly what it did for me. It humbled me so much that I can now experience gratitude and relief for the smallest act of kindness, even if all one does is acknowledge my presence. Any microscopic sweetness can make me feel less invisible, less alone, and maybe, after time, make me feel accepted, loved, and treasured.

May you never take kindness for granted; it truly is a precious thing.

[link to the podcast here]