Preoccupational Hazard

"When I am anxious, it is because I am living in the future. When I am depressed, it is because I am living in the past." -Jimmy R

I saw this quote about a week ago and was immediately struck by its truth. A similar verse, which I had read in my devotional not too long before, exists in the Bible from Matthew 6:34, "Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

The idea to be taken from both of these statements is that we need to live in the present, but often our human tendency is to dwell on things of the past or constantly worry about things of the future. When we do this, it is impossible to be truly happy. For one thing, the past is behind us, and we should leave it there. There is no such thing as a time machine that would allow us to go back and correct our mistakes or take back the things we said and wish we didn't. When we ruminate on all the what-ifs, we are setting ourselves up for failure, because we are dreaming of fixing situations that are impossible to fix since they exist in an unchangeable time. And when we know failure is inevitable, we become hopeless and depressed. As for the future, if we spend all our time imagining the outcomes of situations or avoiding the thought of them altogether, our present bodies will draw nearer to the future without utilizing the present to prepare ourselves. At some point we'll realize that the future we fear or anticipate is closer, and a sense of panic will arise within us. We will become anxious, because we're not using our time wisely and instead are feeling more and more unprepared as we're forced closer to having to deal with our situation.

This past/future dilemma becomes even more complex when you consider that one can live in a limbo between the two without ever living in the present. Just because someone spends equally as much time thinking about the past as he/she does on the future doesn't mean past and future average out and the person ends up living in the present. The math here is simply addition, and when you add depression (from the past) to anxiety (from the future) you get a depressed and anxious person. Not an ideal combination, nor is living in the present whilst living in either the past or future also. We are meant to live in the present alone. That is not to say that we shouldn't reflect on fond memories or learn from past mistakes, or that we shouldn't take steps to prepare for our future, but rather that we shouldn't let ourselves be consumed with destructive thoughts of the past and future, thoughts that bring us down or distract us from using the time we have to progress.

Living in the present is challenging, and it requires a conscious effort. Our minds will always be drifting to different time periods; we just have to stop ourselves, shake the thought, and focus on our current tasks. It's much easier said than done, of course, but if you have willpower, you can manage it. Whenever my mind drifts and I catch myself, I make myself talk to God instead. I tell Him, "Look, this is what's bothering me," and after I pour my heart out to Him, I actively search for blessings He has placed in my life and thank Him for those. The idea is to change my focus to something positive so that I can calm myself down and cheer myself up. That's just one way of living in the present. Other ways to do that are just to enjoy times that you're out with your friends or doing something you love...or studying ahead of time to prepare yourself for that test coming up. Use the present, and don't waste it. Life is a gift from God, but it is also a series of tests. We have to learn to appreciate our blessings during our trials and to live where God is with us, in the present. After all, life is indefinite, and we cannot boast of tomorrow. So why live where we can't fix things or where we can't guarantee what the next day brings us?

So the next time you find yourself preoccupied with the time periods that only God has the power to work on or change, either count your blessings or get back to work.

The Dreaded Bachelor Party

As a young woman with no prospects, it may be a bit alarming that I'm already thinking about marriage. Yes, it's true, I do want the steady companionship of a God-given man, the beautiful wedding, and the finality I feel my life will have once I've reached that stage, but lately what's been bugging me is the idea of the bachelor party and the tradition it entails.

Let's face it; what I'm sure most of us think of when it comes to bachelor parties is strippers. The strippers are hired to entertain our fiancés on their last night as single men, and it makes me sick just thinking about it. What comes to mind is some well endowed Victoria's Secret angel with tight abs and poufy, Angelina Jolie lips, and my next thought is that my husband is to see me the very next night...naught but a disappointment in comparison. This is one issue that I simply cannot compromise on. I wouldn't be able to stand the thought that every time my husband saw my body, he had something much better to compare it to.

Yes, I am already a jealous wife. I am jealous for my future husband, and that jealousy is rightly placed. Even if my body was more pleasing to my husband than the body of the stripper he saw, he would've committed sins against me. First of all, the very idea of enjoying someone taking off their clothes at their emotional expense is animalistic. And I will argue now that every stripper suffers some emotional tax no matter how long they've been pursuing their profession or how impervious to lustful stares they seem. Second, my husband would've committed adultery against me, because he is not "celebrating his last night as a single guy" the night before our wedding. As far as I'm concerned, he is still engaged to me and has been committed to me as long as we've been in a relationship. The night before our wedding is no different from any other night, and I expect my future husband to flee from sexual temptation just the same. Otherwise he might hear two very unpleasant words at our wedding the next day.

"I don't."

Bryan Federal Prison

Yes, this little girl went to prison the weekend before last...again. I just can't seem to stay out of those places. I go with good company, at least, and I make so many more friends after I arrive. But it is pretty rough, dancing with prisoners until I can't breathe, getting hugged, listening to amazing speakers... And what do I have to say about it? I'll go back again and again!

I love prison ministry, and I really feel like I have a purpose being there. Even though I have not brought any new believers to Christ, I discovered that I have been used for discipleship, or encouragement in one's faith. On Friday at the Bryan Federal Prison, I met twenty-one-year-old Jackie, who had been in prison since she was eighteen. I emphasize her age, because she is my peer. I have friends that are her age. And there she was in prison. But does that mean that the rest of her life is over? Absolutely not! She has plans to do prison ministry like me, but she needed some encouragement. After I got her to talk to one of the ladies responsible for heading up Bill Glass events, she felt comfortable talking to other people who also encouraged her. All she needed was just a little push.

On Saturday, I was walking with Kaitlyn, who's also in I Am Second, searching for people who wanted us to pray over them. Two ladies walked right in our path, Melody and Deondra, and we all went to sit out in the meager sunlight, chilled to the bone from the wind that had been blowing all day. As we were discussing their families and their kids, we saw about five or six people doing Thai Chi with our Vietnamese friend, Kim (she was with Bill Glass prison ministry). Since we were so cold, we eagerly joined them, and once we were warm, we were ready to pray. My new friend Danielle (also with Bill Glass but so young she gets lumped into I Am Second) came with us, and we did a popcorn prayer for these ladies. They had already come to Christ, but it was apparent that they needed encouragement just to get through this time they had to serve and be away from their kids. It's people like them, ones with real worries, that really strike out the prisoner stereotype. So many people think prisoners are scary and that all of them are tough and bitter, but in my three trips to different prisons, I've seen that that is so untrue. They are humans with hearts just like us, and just like I've heard from so many people on these trips, the only difference between their sin and ours is that they got caught for theirs. Maybe they've acted out sins we've only thought of, but doesn't the Bible say that a sin committed within the heart or the mind is just as filthy as a sin that's acted out? When you think about it that way, the conclusion you draw is that we, prisoners and free people, are all the same.

Along that line, I feel it is appropriate to mention what the best part of this particular prison ministry trip was: dancing with the prisoners. The first two prisons I went to didn't have this experience, because there was a no-touch policy in place. This was a real treat for me. It was great to be able to grab someone's hands and dance with them or link arms for Cotton Eyed Joe. There was such jubilation, such joy, that all worldly troubles went away for a while, and we literally experienced Heaven on Earth. Danielle had said to me that she liked to worship by dancing, because it was a joyful way to connect with God. And one of the speakers on Saturday had said that when he saw us all dancing together, there was no separation, and we were one rejoicing body.

I really needed that weekend. The week leading up to it had been very emotionally taxing, so much so that I actually considered not going to prison ministry, and when I did go anyway, I rode in the car with my small group leader instead of my friends I'd been assigned to ride with. Once we were at the church in Huntsville where we were sleeping that night, I went to be by myself while everyone else was chatting away. But then God did something amazing for me. He sent Danielle up to me, whom I'd never met before, and we quickly realized we shared the same struggles. Having someone to confirm that my burden was real somehow lightened my heart and prepared me for prison ministry the next morning. Once I stepped foot onto that place and saw the warm, smiling faces of all the prisoners and even the staff, I was flooded with happiness, and the week before faded away into nothingness.

Even though God found many of His lost children that weekend, He also took some time out to comfort me. It just goes to show how big God is and how He never forgets a single one of us. He knows every strand of hair on our heads. He's memorized the codes of all of our DNA. In a broken world, He lets joy seep through. And now I feel the need to quote "Shtuff Christians Say" when I say:

"God is love. Enough said. Hashtag...BOOM."

Singles' Awareness

Valentine's Day has been creeping up on me like a deadline. Of course, I've always known it as Singles' Awareness Day, the acronym of which paints a very grim picture and serves as fodder for a lesser known holiday: Desperation Day. I didn't know about this particular holiday until I heard it mentioned on an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Basically it's a theory that every February thirteenth, women become exceptionally desperate to find a date for Valentine's Day. It makes perfect sense to me. After all, it was on February thirteenth one year that I gave up my first kiss to an absolute blockhead who told me the very next day (why yes, Valentine's Day) that he didn't want a relationship. But believe me when I say it was the best Valentine present I could've ever received. You see, I learned a very important lesson that day, one that I cling to even now: you should never settle for less when it comes to relationships.

Here are a few reasons that I can think of as to why people settle for less:

They think they're not good enough to deserve a decent guy/girl.

They're not used to being single.

They're rebounding.

They've been single for a long time...a very long time.

Their hormones are screaming.

They really just don't care who they date.

They're jealous of their friends who are dating.

The guy/girl of interest is popular.

They don't remember or know what it feels like to have a serious crush on someone.

I will tell you right now that five of those nine items applied to me a couple years ago, and three of those five still apply to me. My point is that I believe that most of us singles fall under a couple of these categories and therefore regularly face the temptation of a quick-fix relationship, and I use the word "fix" in reference to a drug fix. That's because a relationship with someone you don't really like can give you some of the hormones that make you happy, but in time, they will have damaging effects, just like a drug. I don't even feel the need to explain some of these effects after I list them off, because some of y'all already know: hurt, guilt, shame, disgust. And the list goes on.

The tough part is to avoid the temptation every time it's thrown at you. After all, there are a few steps you need to take to strengthen yourself first before you'll be able to have that kind of resolve.

1.) Know that you deserve love. In other words, don't devalue yourself. You are a unique individual with your own quirks, and someone in this world of over 6.8 billion people is bound to embrace your strengths and accept your weaknesses. Also no one is too ugly to be loved. Ever see The Hunchback of Notre Dame 2? Even Quasimodo, whose name means "almost-monster", found love. Too fairytalish? Go to a puppy store, and play with a Chinese Crescent. It's a seriously ugly dog, but it loves unconditionally. Before you know it, you'll be head over heels for it, and you'll realize that all you have to do is love unconditionally to be loved in return.

2.) Mentally establish your boundaries. What things will you not tolerate? Automatically you should think of physical abuse (slapping, beating, etc.), but also there are smaller things such as, "Am I okay with my boyfriend/girlfriend being alone with someone of the opposite gender?" or "How far can our physical contact go?" To make it simple, break your questions down into yes/no questions, that way you'll know that if you can't really decide how you feel, your answer is probably that you're not comfortable with it.

3.) Set your standards high. Don't be unrealistic, but don't decide last minute that you'll just be okay with certain traits that will drive you crazy over time. For example, will it bug you that this person smacks when he/she eats? Will this person not appreciate your favorite hobby? Also at minimum you should expect to be respected. Remember those boundaries you established? If the person you're considering dating would dare to push those boundaries, you need to exclude them from your list of...candidates. When people push against your boundaries, sometimes you get weak, because you want to please this person (a natural quality of any relationship). This is dangerous, because suddenly you will be tempted to compromise your morals. I like the example of two oxen pulling a cart. You represent an ox pulling toward your morals, and the pushy person you're dating represents the other ox pulling the opposite way. Over time, the pusher ox gets stronger and you get weaker, and the stronger one determines the direction you both go.

4.) Get a hobby. Stay busy. I would tell you not to be jealous of people in relationships (if that's your particular dilemma), but that's much easier said than done. Also I find that when you focus on not being jealous, it only makes you more jealous. So stay busy. Get a job that keeps you moving. Work out a couple times a week. Join a club. And when you somehow have free time, do your homework, study, text/call your friends, etc. The reason I emphasize this is because of my own personal experience in high school. Whenever I had that time to just sit and think, my hormones quickly did the thinking for me, and all they said was "boyfriend". And when my mind was circling around that all the time, I found myself considering lowering my standards to improve my chances of finding someone to date which, as I said before, is dangerous. And now that I'm in college with so many places to be and things to do, being single is a lot easier, because I don't have time to think about it. Now remember that this is just my suggestion based on my own life, so if you disagree, cool. Go ahead and meditate if that's what works for you.

5.) Lock yourself in your room alone on Desperation Day (JK LOL and stuff), and celebrate Valentine's Day anyway. Spend time with your friends, and enjoy that kind of love for a day. Buy the giant, poofy, heart-shaped box of chocolates, and share them. Pick up some of those cheesy, elementary-school Valentine sets, and hand them out. Or for the more masculine bunch out there, go paintballing or hunting or whatever it is guys like to do. That way when your dating friends ask you what you did for Valentine's Day, you have something to say besides, "I pitied myself the whole day. Woe is me."

Well, that's all I've got for you! You single people are real troopers; just remember to keep your heads up and screwed on properly. I just ask that you let me know (single or taken) what you think about this blog by checking a reaction box below.

Have a wonderful Valentine's Day!

To see the video of me giving this blog as a speech, go here.

We Are Second

Last weekend was one of the greatest weekends of my life. I was at the We Are Second conference in Plano, TX with a few friends from my small group. I'd already been on a prison ministry trip with them last November, so I knew Sunday (our prison ministry day of that weekend) would be fun. But I had no idea what to expect when it came to the conference, where tons of people from I Am Second were gathered.

Basically, the purpose of this conference was to prepare ourselves for leadership, whether we were intending to start small groups of our own or step up in ministry, but in reality, a majority of our time was dedicated to listening to people talk, Seconds in particular. In case you don't know what a Second is, it's a person who has a powerful (and often miraculous) testimony about their faith in Christ that they shared as a video with I Am Second. Although that's what made them a Second, the ones at the conference didn't necessarily share their testimonies, but rather parts of it plus information about their lives today. Sounds boring to some of you, I know, but here's where the fun part was: during our conference breaks, we'd get to have our "I Am Second" books (that they'd given us in our "swag bags") signed, and we'd have a few moments to talk with the people who were signing. At one point, I was talking with Karen Green, a woman who had her first child at the age of thirteen and turned to prostitution to support herself and her child; after she turned herself in to be arrested, she eventually gave her life to God and started Haven of Hope in Dallas, a nonprofit rehab for prostitutes. I told her I considered myself to be a testimony in progress, because even though I'm a far better Christian now than I ever was, I'm not one hundred percent where I want to be. And do you know what that sweet woman said to me? She said, "Let me hug you," and by golly, that was the best dang hug I've ever had.

Even before I'd met Karen Green, I had heard Bailee Madison speak. Keep in mind that Bailee is currently twelve years old, and she became a Second when she was eight. She is incredibly poised for her age, and that is possibly a result of her acting career. According to Wikipedia, she's most famous for her role as May Belle Aarons in Bridge to Terabithia, but she had her first (unless I read the chart wrong) lead role in Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. I have banned myself from horror films due to their lasting effects on me (seriously, The Ring traumatized me for months), but I'm considering lifting the ban for this one movie. Or maybe I'll just watch the trailer...we'll see. Anyway, I got to meet Bailee, get her autograph, and take a picture with her, and despite how many people had already seen and were still in line to see her, she was humble enough to talk with me and all of us other "average people".

There were other celebrities at the conference as well such as Brian Sumner (pro skateboarder), Michelle Aguilar (winner of The Biggest Loser in 2008 and author of Be Fearless), the Newsboys (a Christian band; Duncan Phillips fist-bumped me because he thought my handshake was awesome), and Brian Welch (former guitarist and co-founder of Korn). Sadly I did not get to meet Brian Welch, but I did get to hear his full testimony, which is pretty incredible. Also I saw some familiar faces, namely Duche Bradley, a big teddy bear of a guy who used to be a bodyguard for Jennifer Lopez. He gives amazing hugs, and he has the most beautiful, legible signature I've ever seen. Seriously, the "D" in his name makes the Disney "D" jealous. Just look at it!

Anyway, Duche had something interesting happen in his life a year ago, and I think Chris Plekenpol (it took me the whole weekend to learn how to pronounce his last name) was the one telling the story; he was involved, after all. Long story short, a girl whose mom heard Duche speak in the Dawson State Jail told her daughter to contact him, Duche invited her to an I Am Second event that just so happened to be in Lubbock, TX (where the girl lived), and the girl accepted Christ. It's really an awesome story, and you can read it here.

When the conference concluded Saturday night, I was exhausted and still had to get up early the next morning to go do prison ministry at Dawson (yes, the same one). Several factors seemed to push against me to keep me from going. My friends from my small group, Krysta and Ambrel, had accidentally missed the sign-up, the girl who was going to take me, Katie, had a family emergency come up that night, Jenny, the other girl who knew how to get to Dawson, was too exhausted to go (my small group leader Ashley was, too, but I didn't find that out until later), and the one girl left who could've ridden with me, Rand, woke up feeling sick. Battling a strong desire to crawl back into bed, I got myself ready to go to Dawson anyway (I had my own truck with me), and by the grace of God I made it there with enough time to eat a Poptart before we had to go in. I found people I recognized and stuck with them through security and the debriefing process, quickly recognizing that Karen Green was with us and learning that she just so happened to be the first speaker on the floor I was going to (there are ten floors in Dawson).

Our groups were separated, and the room cleared rapidly as I waited for my floor (the tenth and last) to be called. Then everyone in my group was given five small New Testaments to hand out to the prisoners, and we were split into pairs of one I Am Second person each. I didn't like having to separate from the people I knew, but that later resulted in a big personal step for me.

As we branched off to our pods, my ministry partner and I gave an introduction, and I struggled to start conversation with the prisoners on my side of the room. In the nick of time, Ms. Green walked in to give her speech. Her testimony rang true with most, if not all, the women in the room, and there was much excitement. Before she left, she said we volunteers were there to help them and that they should talk to us, and when that door closed to announce her departure, a single woman beckoned me over to her, and a crowd gathered there. I handed out the pamphlets we'd been given to lead discussion groups, and we all went through the questions that covered what everyone believed faith-wise. I soon discovered I was in a faith-based pod, and my confidence grew. I continued to read through the verses and eventually reached the prayer of salvation. At that point, the pod door opened, and my partner and I were beckoned out and told we were going to make sandwiches for lunch. Neither of us wanted to go, nor did anyone else on our floor. We all felt something amazing was going to happen with our groups. Our floor leader graciously told us if we were compelled to go back to our pods, we should, and they'd find someone else to make our lunch.

Upon returning, my group reassembled, and I wasn't sure what to do since we'd reached the prayer of salvation...in a faith-based pod. But I asked if there was anyone who wanted to rededicate their lives to Jesus, and Zeeri, the most spunky of all of them, piped up, "Sure, I'll rededicate my life to Jesus. I need to, anyway." Nine other women followed her. We prayed the prayer, and all the women set their ID cards down on the table so that I could copy their names and prison numbers for reference. Up until lunch time, I chatted with a few of the women and learned of their shocking life stories which were practically verbatim of Karen Green's story.

When we were finally called to lunch, I felt drowsiness seep into me yet again, and I relished in a few moments of familiarity as I sat and ate quietly with people I knew. Then I heard someone say something about switching pods, and I woke up. I hadn't said a proper goodbye to the women I'd just met, and I wasn't going to leave that way. I wanted to go back. I talked to my leader and requested to stay in my pod, and she said of course I could and that she was quite sure no one on our floor wanted to switch anyway. I headed back with renewed strength, and I realized that I had two options: I could converse for the next three hours, or I could *gasp* lead a small group. On Saturday, I'd had a little practice with that, but since I was with familiar friends (the alliteration is for emphasis) who knew the small group drill already, I didn't feel like I'd accomplished anything. As it turned out, that practice spilled over into my final three hours at Dawson, and I learned that I actually did have leadership qualities. When it came down to leading a group of people I didn't know, I really felt like we were making some sort of progress, because I was teaching them something, even if it was as simple as how to lead a small group on their own. In conclusion, I led two small groups in those three hours, and I'm now considering leading my own I Am Second small group someday.

I don't know if you got this impression, but I feel like I've just written a letter to Princess Celestia from My Little Pony. Anyway, I'd like to end this blog post with a little inspirational conversation I had with Amber, one of the inmates. While I was doing a small group with her, she seemed hesitant to give her answers, because she felt that her answers would be wrong. So after our group, I pulled her aside and told her that she doesn't have to be a "professional" Christian. God is still going to love you no matter what. And I asked her, "Did I look like I knew what I was doing when I first walked in here?" She responded, "You looked nervous." Exactly. So I urge all of you Christians, whether you're new in the belief or you've grown up with faith, don't feel like God's judging you if you don't have all the answers. Search the Bible or talk to a mentor if you want, but personally I believe God wants some things to be a mystery so that we never run out of opportunities to learn or have faith. For example, I didn't know what the purpose of attending a leadership conference with friends was until I led a small group with strangers.